


The Compost Conundrum

by whollyjoly



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, absolute nonsense, its funny cause this is a real thing that happened to me, this is some stupid fluff crack and i love it, this is the kind of domestic nonsense i want to see from my boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-20
Updated: 2020-03-20
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:15:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23232310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whollyjoly/pseuds/whollyjoly
Summary: There's never a quiet day for Rex. Not with Echo and Fives around, at least.Or, Fives doesn't like bugs, Echo is very eco-friendly, and Rex needs a nap.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 72





	The Compost Conundrum

**Author's Note:**

> So even though my next update for cèile anam is going very slowly, I wrote this in like, 20 minutes. Sometimes life just be that way.
> 
> Fun fact: this actually happened to me and my roommates! It was our second day of orientation during freshman year at college, and we were never the same.

"Alright men, I know this isn't fun. And I don't like it any more than you do. But these are the regs, so let's get it over with."

Fives leaned back on his hands, legs outstretched over the space in the middle of their bunks. "Really, Captain? Who do they think we are, shinies?"

"Actually," Echo cut in, "according to regulation 2340.A.5, this is a mandatory part of any new assignment. So yes, Fives, that does mean we have to go through with it."

Fives groaned as Rex passed two datapads to the newly-graduated ARC troopers. On them were two words in bold letters: _Roommate Contract._

"Sorry troopers, I know it's not the most fun thing to do. But this is a brand-new ship, and you are my two newest ARC troopers. If you burn down the place before we exit hyperspace, I will _personally_ see to it that you are on latrine duty for the rest of your lives."

Echo and Fives looked at each other with a poorly repressed shudder.

"Now, if you two actually _focus_ , and don't get distracted, you migh-"

Rex cut off, eyes wide and fixed on a spot behind Fives.

"Captain? Is everything alright?" Echo asked, concern in his voice.

"Fives..." Rex started, gaze still trained, "Don't move. And don't look at your left hand."

Fives, of course, did just that.

Resting on top of his glove was a large cockroach, almost the size of a meiloorun.

Fives looked at the cockroach. The cockroach looked at Fives.

And then, Fives _screamed_.

In a flash, the trooper had jumped up off the floor and rocketed next to Rex, standing on his bunk. The cockroach, startled by the sudden movement, quickly scurried under Echo's bunk, and disappeared.

Echo, Fives, and Rex all shared a horrified look.

"I am not sleeping in here with that... _thing_ on the loose," Fives muttered, eyes wildly sweeping the floor as if another could pop out at any moment.

"Well there aren't any other bunks available, and I'm sure as hell not letting you in mine," Rex said, arms crossed. "So unless you want to sleep in the mess, you're going to have to suck it up."

"I..." Echo started, "have an idea."

Rex and Fives looked at Echo with confusion as he reached around and pulled a ration bar from his kit. He broke off a piece, then slowly came down from the bunk and placed it on the spot where the cockroach was resting on Fives' hand.

Echo backed up, staring at the ration bar all the while, and climbed back on his bunk. "And now, we wait."

Fives just looked at him like he was crazy.

Rex shook his head, then reached to grab the datapad that had fallen out of Fives' lap. "So, how about that contract?"

Fives groaned, but accepted the pad from Rex's outstretched hand. Quietly, the two of them worked on the paperwork for a few minutes, trying their best to distract themselves from the crawly insect that currently was residing in their room.

The silence was broken by a quick inhalation of breath from Rex.

The cockroach was back, sitting on top of the piece of ration bar that Echo had set out as bait.

Rex looked at the two ARC troopers. He lifted his hands, and using their tactical hand signals, he told them, _you two flank, I'll attack from the front._

Fives and Echo nodded with grave solemnity. They began to stand on their bunks, consciously keeping their feet from touching the floor and scaring the cockroach off again.

 _Slowly,_ Rex signaled to them. _Slowly, now._

Rex reached over to pull on his boots, being very careful not to make any sudden movements.

When the three of them were in place, all perched on their bunks, Rex nodded.

 _3...,_ he signaled, _2... 1..._

On his final count, the three of the jumped down from their bunks. Fives covered the vent in the back of the room, and Echo blocked the door.

Rex, wearing his military-grade boots that were designed for intense wear and tear and had kicked in more than a few dozen droids, landed right on top of the cockroach.

With a loud _crunch_ , it was flattened.

"Oh, that's so gross!" Fives covered his face with his hands. "Please just tell me when it's gone, I don't want to have to think of bug guts every time I go to sleep."

"I got it Fives, don't worry." Rex reached down to take off his right boot, the one that got the kill. Echo handed him a dustpan and a broom, and he managed to sweep up all the little bits of roach and rations into a neat little pile.

Rex started to walk to the garbage disposal when Echo stopped him.

"Wait!" Echo cried, grabbing Rex's arm. "That creature, we can assume, is a completely carbon based life-form. There is no other type of waste in that dustpan, only organic matter."

"Your point, Echo?"

"Well, sir," Echo said, earnestly, "we can compost it!"

Fives and Rex just stared at each other.

Rex sighed, "...of course we can."

He left the room without another word.

From down the hall, he could hear Fives' disbelieving shriek. 

" _COMPOST?!_ "

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on tumblr! I'm whollyjoly, and I love to cry about the Clone Wars.
> 
> Thanks to Scribs, always, for being the best beta ever!
> 
> And a big thanks to everyone on the Vode An discord server for being so supportive and such amazing cheerleaders, whether I'm going on about my soulmate colors AU or nonsense like this. Love you all!


End file.
